BOLz | BOLz http://www.dogster.com/bolz BOLz en-us Thu, 09 Apr 2015 10:10:00 -0700 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 10:10:00 -0700 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Orion <![CDATA[Watch This Dog Fall Asleep With a Pacifier in Her Mouth]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/boxer-with-pacifier-cute-dog-videos What you'll see in this video is an eight-month-old Boxer named Princess Leia preparing for a nap on some sort of brown microfiber couch. Her owner, no doubt well meaning, offers Princess a pacifier, despite the fact that the dog is nearly konked, which is exactly what the pacifier industry wants you to do. This woman is helpless in the face of Big Pacifier. Cowering in fear that her baby Princess will be unable to sleep a full three hours without a knuckle of BPA-free (finally!) polypropylene shoved in her maw like a plug of tobacco in Tom Seaver's mouth during the 1973 World Series, she succumbs to her worst instincts and relies on a moist, germ-harboring crutch the dog will take years to be free of, until he's like four and starting agility school and all his friends make fun of him. 

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It could be a man doing this, though. We're not so good with fingers. 

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You'll notice, also, that at the 30-second mark, Princess begins snoring like a 55-year-old insurance salesmen during a weekend nap on the couch in front of the Georgetown game. Girl is out. That's a good pacifier. Kind of want one of those. Ignore what we said earlier.

Watch the video: 

Check out more of Leia and her brother Luke at the Luke the Boxer Facebook page.

Read more dog news on Dogster:

 

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Thu, 09 Apr 2015 10:10:00 -0700 /bolz/boxer-with-pacifier-cute-dog-videos
<![CDATA[Watch John Legend Marry Two Dogs and Sing "All of Me"]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/john-legend-dog-wedding-video-omaze-show-me-campaign Imagine you're getting married, and John Legend sings to you and your beloved throughout the day, popping in every now and then with verses of his hit "All of Me." 

You'd be pretty swoon-y, we imagine. 

Now imagine you're John Legend's Bulldog, and John has dressed you in a tux to get married to his wife's French Bulldog (in a bridal gown), and he keeps putting his big head in your face, singing that song of his that he always sings around the house while he officiates your "wedding." God, Dad! Is food at the end of this song? 

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That's the reaction of these glorious dogs -- Puddy and Pippa -- who give the singer patient, sorta-interested looks ("Does he have treats? He has treats, right?") while Legend belts out his hit song in this expertly done wedding video. When he throws the bouquet, Puddy waddles slowly over for a sniff, hoping it's a treat, but it's not. Sigh. 

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Soon the cake comes out -- they are married! -- but the dogs can barely manage a lick. To be fair, it looks dry. And it's probably peach cake or something. 

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Things perk up during the reception, though, in the photo booth. Everybody loves a photo booth, even these dogs: 

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Finally, Chrissy Teigen walks in, notices what the heck her husband has been up to all afternoon with their dogs, and drops her Whole Foods bag to go put on a dress. The video is for charity -- not a pet charity but The Show Me Campaign, which Legend started in 2007 "to break the cycle of poverty by supporting programs that help to provide every child with a quality education, spreading awareness about the issues, and inspiring citizens to take action," according to its website. 

The cause associated with this fundraising video is toward rebuilding the auditorium at the former South High School in Springfield, OH, and there are eight days remaining. You can enter to win a private Legend show of your own, with entries costing a $10 to $25,000 donation, be it at your birthday party, BBQ, or dog wedding. 

Watch the full video: 

Read more dog news on Dogster:

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Wed, 08 Apr 2015 10:05:00 -0700 /bolz/john-legend-dog-wedding-video-omaze-show-me-campaign
<![CDATA[8 St. Patrick's Day Limericks as Written by Dogs]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-humor-st-patricks-day-8-limericks-dogs Most humans celebrate St. Patrick's Day by wearing green and drinking artificially colored beverages. How do dogs celebrate St. Patty's? They write limericks, of course.

Dogs are known haiku masters, but their passion for poetry doesn't stop there. You may not know this, but dogs are great at rhyming. They'd never let on and only allow us to hear them speak simple woofs; however, their poochie poetry is nothing short of masterful. In honor of St. Patrick's Day, a few well-versed canines have decided to share their original limericks with us.  

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"Who's ready for a serious party?" Lab in Green Hat by Shutterstock

There once was a Boxer named Pete, 
Who had an obsession with feet;
And when he sniffed toes,
He dove in with his nose,
'Cause nothing ever smelled quite as sweet.

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"Which way to the good times?" Scottie in St. Patrick's Day Costume by Shutterstock

Max was a fine Border Collie,
Who took twenty minutes to pee;
It was never a race,
To find the right place,
And that's why he sniffed every tree.

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"Feelin' lucky?" Maltese With Green Hat by Shutterstock

There once was a fine man named McGuire,
Whose dog stole from a full clothesline wire;
He snagged every pair,
Of Miss Brown's underwear,
So she opted to buy a clothes dryer.

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"What? I'm totally Irish." Bulldog Puppy on Leash by Shutterstock

Rex always sat at Ms. Morgan's heel,
When she sat down to eat every meal;
When she got up for more bread,
He grabbed her steak and fled,
And thought she made too big a deal.

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"This IS my party face." Cranky St. Patrick's Day Dog by Shutterstock

Bo slept in the front doorway a lot,
Soon it was his favorite spot;
His whole family swore,
Instead they'd use the back door,
Bo had all his humans well-taught.

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"Ready for some shamrock-n-roll!" Boston Terrier With St. Patrick's Day Headband by Shutterstock

Sarah O'Malley knew Maxwell shed,
Still he constantly napped on her bed;
On all her clothes fur would stick,
And she gave not a lick,
In fact, his fur blessed her dress when she wed. 

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"Pucker up." Old English Bulldog With Bow Tie by Shutterstock

A feisty young Dachshund named Bruce,
Thought he as was big as a moose;
The neighbor dog who was buff,
Liked to call Bruce's bluff,
But the little dog thought him obtuse.  

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"All this partying makes me sleepy." St. Patrick's Day Puppy by Shutterstock
 

Does your dog write limericks? Give us a verse or two in the comments!

Read more about dogs and St. Patrick's Day:

Read more poetry by dogs:

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Tue, 17 Mar 2015 07:35:00 -0700 /bolz/dog-humor-st-patricks-day-8-limericks-dogs
<![CDATA[Maggie the Dog's Singing Will Melt Your Heart]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-singing-video-auto-tuned-saluki The dog in this video sings achingly and with intense passion -- yes, this dog sings. Achingly and with intense passion. Maggie's brilliant vocals cut through our mundane, regular-Joe lives -- filled with stupid things like going to get drive-through coffee and buying cheap patio furniture -- like a beautiful, soulful electric cattle prod turned on high, frying our insides and causing massive internal injuries. She's that good. She lifts our spirits while she splays on the couch like a dog. She can barely keep her head up while she puts our down, to contemplate her brilliance. 

Maggie is a musical genius.

Either that or someone just auto-tuned her. 

Watch:

The video is a couple of years old, but it's finally going viral after someone posted it to Reddit, where people have been having a lot of fun taking about this dog in relation to the state of pop music, as we did above. Someone even threw a sample of the dog into a song. It does make you wonder: If a dog can sound that good, why are we giving all the money in the world to performers who are not dogs? 

"Maggie is a Saluki cross who was rescued from a terrible situation, now she enjoys a loud life of singing and playing," writes the man who posted the video, Dale Roossien. 

Good for Maggie. Now give her a Grammy.

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Mon, 16 Mar 2015 09:55:00 -0700 /bolz/dog-singing-video-auto-tuned-saluki
<![CDATA[Christopher Guest PetSmart Spots Channel "Best in Show" Humor]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/christopher-guest-best-in-show-petsmart-commercials-anna-faris-jennifer-coolidge-michael-hitchcock-wayne-wilderson If you're a dog lover who hasn't seen Christopher Guest's absurdly hilarious 2000 mockumentary Best in Show, stop reading and go rent the movie right this minute. If you watch it at least once a year to laugh at how ridiculous owners of show dogs can act when pride and prizes are on the line, then you'll love the filmmaker's new ads for PetSmart created in his signature style.

Starring big-screen celebrities such as Anna Faris, Wayne Wilderson, Jennifer Coolidge, and Michael Hitchcock -- the latter two from the original film -- the commercials are part of a "Partners in Pethood" campaign, which makes fun of obsessive pet parents, but all in good fun.

In one ad, Faris fetes her five-year-old Terrier, Stanley, with a pooch party complete with cake, presents, and four-legged guests. The proud pet parent goes on and on about Stanley's astrological sign, religious leanings, and exercise preferences. In a whispering confessional to the camera, she compares Stanley to his friends, saying, "They're sort of regular dogs, though, you know?"

In another spot, a young couple stresses over being new parents to two adopted pups. They weigh the pros and cons of various pet toys and even ask a PetSmart store employee whether there's artisanal peanut butter available, we assume to fill their puppy Kongs. Then, Grandma, played by Coolidge, sneaks into the house for a visit and does what in-laws do best -- be annoying.

In my favorite, Hitchcock's character shows us how he's pet-proofed his home by covering up all of the dangerous sharp corners and edges with bubble wrap.

Then there's the one of the woman who can't remember the names of all her dogs. And her husband, played by Wilderson, who finds her just the slightest bit insufferable.

And the foodie family whose dog, Gus, has a highly sophisticated palate.

The commercials debuted during the Oscars on Sunday, and they're worth watching on repeat, especially if it's your kind of humor. As dog people, we can all be a little bit nutty when it comes to protecting and loving our furry friends. Is that so wrong?

Let's hear from you, readers. Do you recognize yourself in any of these characters? Please share in the comments. We promise not to judge!

Watch more Vid We Love on Dogster:

About the author: Whitney C. Harris is a New York-based freelance writer for websites including StrollerTraffic, Birchbox, and WhattoExpect.com. A former book and magazine editor, she enjoys running (with Finley), watching movies (also with Finley), and cooking meatless meals (usually with Finley watching close by).

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Wed, 25 Feb 2015 10:00:00 -0800 /bolz/christopher-guest-best-in-show-petsmart-commercials-anna-faris-jennifer-coolidge-michael-hitchcock-wayne-wilderson
<![CDATA[Watch "People Acting Like Dogs at a Dog Park" and Laugh/Cry]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/funny-dog-video-people-acting-like-dogs-at-a-dog-park-a2f-pictures What if you took a bunch of good looking, athletic people and asked them to act like dogs in a dog park? You'd have no right to expect it to be as funny as this video by A2F Pictures, which was directed by James Rautmann and is quietly going viral, appearing on news outlets such as CNN and doing weird things by racking up six million views on this Chinese radio station's Facebook page

"People Acting Like Dogs at a Dog Park" hits all the benchmarks of people acting like dogs at a dog park, some of which we can't help but create screenshots out of.

Smelling butts:

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Dominance posturing:

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Tree marking: 

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Stick envy:

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Mass freakouts:

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Group howling:

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More dominance posturing:

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Multiple ball grabbing:

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Sorry: 

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Hose drinking: 

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And finally the sudden lump you get in your throat thinking about all the dogs who are not able to have this much fun at a dog park: 

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Now watch the whole thing:

Read more dog news on Dogster:

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Fri, 20 Feb 2015 10:00:00 -0800 /bolz/funny-dog-video-people-acting-like-dogs-at-a-dog-park-a2f-pictures
<![CDATA[Craigslist Dog-Walking Ad Is All Kinds of Crazy]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/crazy-craigslist-dog-walking-ad-seattle-jean-ralphio-parks-and-recreation People have a lot of fun on Craigslist, because they're bored and Craigslist is a form a self-publishing when you're hammered. A guy in Seattle had a lot of fun five days ago when he posted the following, advertising himself for the position as your new dog walker.  

Make no mistake: He will not be your new dog walker.

I WILL WALK YOUR DOG (Seattle)

HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS:

Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20's and 30's?

Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?

Do you work for a corporation that received Tarp money?

I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER

I am the most radical, bitching, mind blowing dog-walking experience in all of Seattle. All dogs are STOKED when I'm around, regardless of breed or sex. Your dog is gonna be on me like Charlie Sheen on a porn star mad of amphetamines; when I'm ascending toward penthouse suite in your private elevator, bitch's nipples are gonna be ROCK HARD.

Do I have experience walking dogs?

I'M A HUMAN BEING, OF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS. THIS ISN'T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS; ITS DOG-WALKING

Are you one of those prototypical American success stories who worked your way up from nothing to live the dream, and now you want to gloat over an Ivy League grad who has been reduced to posting a dog-walking classified on skeezy-ass Craigslist?

You can shadow me while I walk! Take pictures of my pathetic face as I handle your dog's feces with nothing but a plastic bag over my hand! I'll wear my Princeton lettermen's Sweater! I might even Cry!

Forget the agencies; I will alk your dog for less money, and I'm not some weirdo art school dropout who claims to be "in sub-verbal communication" with your dog.

I'M JUST A GUY WHO WANTS YOUR MONEY AND WILL WALK YOUR DOG TO GET IT.

Do I do overnights?

YOU BET YOUR BOATHOUSE, BUDDY!

I will sleep in your sweet-ass apartment and tend to your dog while doing it. Don't want my poor-person skin sullying your ostrich-feather sheets? I'll sleep on the floor! Don't want my poor-person hair secreting oils all over the pearl-white tiles? I'll sleep in the crate with the dog! Sh*t as long as I'm allowed to turn on the heat, I'll curl up in a ball and sleep in your sink WHILE THE ATER RUNS OVER MY NAKED BODY!

Am I going to steal your jewelry? No I'm not. Am i going to jack your electronics? No way man. Am i gonna eat some of your food? Probably, but nothing you'll miss, maybe an apple.

I'M NOT ABOUT TO TAKE A BATH IN YOUR FOIE GRAS, MONEYBAGS.

I'm a good guy, and I'm just looking to make a little extra cash by chaperoning your dog around your stupid white bread sidewalks. So if your interested in the dopest, most swagged-out LEGEND OF THE UNIVERSE dog-walking champion in Seattle, reply to this ad and we'll get started in making your dog happier than a Mormon on his honeymoon.

So act now, write me. I'm excited to meet you and your dog, and I'm sure as motherf*cking c*cksucking Sh*t that your dog is excited to meet me, too.

Serious inquiries only, please

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I bet this guy would make a hell of a dog walker. Via Shutterstock

What a ride, huh? That was a lot to take in, so we thought we'd break it down to bullet points in case you're considering this guy to be your dog walker. To recap:

  • He is an Ivy League grad.
  • He is not an weirdo art-school dropout. 
  • He will make your dog's nipples hard.
  • He will wear his Princeton letterman sweater when he walks your dog.
  • He will cry when he picks up your dog's poop (woo-hoo!)
  • He will not talk to your dog in sub-verbal communication. 
  • He has no experience with linear algebra.
  • He will spend the night.
  • He will sleep on the floor instead of your bed.
  • Or in your dog crate. 
  • Or in your sink -- with the water on
  • He will not "jack your electronics."
  • He will not bathe in your foie gras.
  • He will eat your apple.
  • He thinks the sidewalks around your house are stupid. 
  • He will be swagged out -- or so he claims. 
  • (Hold him to it; hold him to the swag.)
  • He is a dog-walking "champion." 
  • (Ask him to bring the trophy?)
  • He thinks your dog will want to have sex with him.
  • Charlie Sheen sex -- with a porn star who is comprised of drugs.
  • What?
  • Ew.

We don't know what this guy looks like, but if you respond to the ad and Jean Ralphio from Parks and Recreation comes to walk your dog, don't be surprised -- just slam the door. 

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Where my bitch at?

Here's a screenshot of the letter:

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Fri, 16 Jan 2015 09:20:00 -0800 /bolz/crazy-craigslist-dog-walking-ad-seattle-jean-ralphio-parks-and-recreation
<![CDATA[Would You Buy a Butt Cover for Your Dog's Anus?]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/rear-gear-butt-cover-for-dog-anus-etsy A company on Etsy is selling "butt covers" for dogs, which allow you to cover your dog's anus with any number of fanciful designs: a flower, a heart, a cupcake, a star, a disco ball, the radioactivity symbol. 

[pushes away computer, stands up, stares quietly out window] 

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[returns to computer, sighs] 

On the Etsy site, it says, "Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I've got them covered." 

On the website, it says, "Rear Gear is a fun and enchanting way of covering your pet's rear while boosting their confidence!" 

On my fire extinguisher it says, "Pull pin in order to use."

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By now you're scrambling over furniture for your wallet and praying these butt covers aren't all sold out, but you face a quandary: Which design to choose? We can help. We've spent two and a half minutes thinking about the designs. Let's break them down one by one.

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  • Star design: May hit too close to home, as in certain angles the anus does in fact resemble a star. I'm sorry for that, and for all this.
  • Dice: Dice traditionally adorn a rearview mirror. Get it? They're also used to play craps. A+ design. Really good work, people. 
  • Blue ribbon: Of all the parts on a dog, the anus gets the blue ribbon? Have fun explaining that when grandma visits. 
  • The flower: Careful, we're getting into Story of O territory here! I'm sorry; please stop reading now.
  • Smiley face: Sorry, Miley Cyrus bought all of these, and she doesn't even have a dog! (Oh right, she has a bunch of them.)   
  • Heart: Isn't Anusheart the name of your nephew's band? I hope you stopped reading earlier. 
  • Radioactive symbol: Finally your dog's farts will become the party joke you always want them to be.
  • Disco ball: If you turn out the lights and shine a flashlight right on your dog's anus, it sparkles. Go ahead, try it. 
  • Cupcake: A classy way to announce to your guests that dessert is served.  

The butt covers are handmade in Portland, Oregon. I just love that. 

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Of course, Rear Gears aren't entirely serious -- they've been around a while, and the Etsy site says it's a novelty product "not intended for everyday use." Most people buy them as gag gifts. Still, scrolling through the reviews, every so often you hit a winner:  

"I have a Whippet, and I couldn't get it to stay. Cute idea though!"

Via the Daily Dot

Read more funny stuff on Dogster:

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Thu, 15 Jan 2015 10:15:00 -0800 /bolz/rear-gear-butt-cover-for-dog-anus-etsy
<![CDATA[We Chat With a Dog About Letter-Writing Week]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/universal-letter-writing-week-dog-writes-letters-humor Universal Letter Writing Week takes place Jan. 7 to 11, and during that time you're supposed to write a letter. On paper. Using the programming language known as handwriting. We thought about it: Maybe a dog would want to do this? We found one and asked him. 

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How the hell do you spell? Via Shutterstock

Dogster: It's Universal Letter Writing Week! Do you have anyone you'd like to write a heartwarming letter to?

Dog: Yes, but I'll need a little help. 

With what?

The alphabet.

I understand. 

And I need thumbs. 

Let me get a pen.  

And a steak.

A pen will do. OK, who are we writing to first?

The mailman. 

How exciting!

It sure is. I've thought a lot about this letter, so write all this down exactly.

Hit me. 

OK: Dear mailman, If you value your life and the lives of your family, please immediately stop walking up our stoop and clanging the mail slot. Just throw the mail in the yard. Better yet, just throw it away. Or how about this: Just give our mail to that horrible child who lives next door and tell him to burn -- hey, you're not writing anymore!

This isn't in the spirit of Universal Letter Writing Week.

I think you're wrong there. I'm really feeling this letter. 

Let's try another. 

OK, how about this: Dear meat market, please send seven (7) whole steaks to our house ASAP. Delivery on the side yard; just slide them through the cat door. Please DO NOT talk to any humans in the house; you deal solely with me, you follow? Payment will be made once I have ascertained the quality of the steaks. It could take a while, so don't stick around. Also please include three (3) coils of Portuguese sau -- hey, you stopped writing!

I think you can do better.

Really? I thought that was pretty dead-on.

It was not. 

Man, you lack imagination. How about this: Dear UPS man, how's things? Tell you what, the next time you come here, I want you to bring me about 400 balls. All shapes. All sizes. Mixed in with the balls, I want Frisbees. And rawhide chews. And hoofs. And dried pig ears. And bully sticks. I want a bone. Fifty bones. I want the biggest damn bon -- hey, you stopped again!

This isn't Christmas.

It's his job to bring stuff!

Be nice. Write a nice letter.  

OK, fine. Here: Dear cat, I hope you are doing well. I've been thinking a lot about our situation, and I think it would be best for all parties involved if you found another home. I see so many of them out the window. What about that red one down the street? That looks like a nice home. I'll leave the back door unlocked, and if you could please be out by Tuesday it would be -- what? You stopped again!

We love Chester. 

We do?

Dearly.

Wow, I had no idea. I thought I was doing you a favor.

You're both equal in my eyes.

Hah! What a comedian. Say, can I write a letter to my vet? I have some suggestions about what he should do for the rest of his life.

I think we're good here. I think Universal Letter Writing Week is over. 

Well, we did some solid work. I'm exhausted. When do we send them?

Maybe tomorrow.  

Good. I need those steaks ASAP.

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I'm all writed out. Via Shutterstock

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Mon, 12 Jan 2015 09:05:00 -0800 /bolz/universal-letter-writing-week-dog-writes-letters-humor
<![CDATA[We Ask a Dog About National Bacon Day]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/national-bacon-day-dog-bacon-treats Today is National Bacon Day, a day dedicated to the cooking and eating of bacon, which is in sharp contrast to the other 364 days of the year, which are dedicated to the cooking and eating of bacon. We wondered how dogs are celebrating National Bacon Day, because of all the cooking and eating of bacon, so we found a dog and asked him. 

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Bacon Day? You better not be playing me, pal. (Pug by Shutterstock)

Dogster: Happy National Bacon Day! How are you going to celebrate? 

Dog: I imagine someone is going to make me some bacon.

Do you like bacon?

Yes. Are you the one making me bacon? 

What do you think of the resurgence of bacon in the popular consciousness?

Well, it hasn't made its way down to my bowl, that's for sure. Don't you need a pan and some bacon or something to make me bacon? 

Have you tried any bacon treats? 

Why, are you making them now?

Do you know they have bacon-wrapped turkeys? Isn't that a hoot?!

I guess. Are you about to give me one? 

And chocolate covered bacon, and bacon cake, and bacon soda. Even bacon pie! And who can forget the bacon-wrapped hot dog? A classic. 

You got one of those?

Have you ever had a bacon cookie?

Am I about to?

I once ate a Corvette made out of bacon at an auto show in Cleveland. God, what a weekend.

Is there any left?   

It's amazing how much bacon has penetrated the food culture. It's almost like you can't eat anything without a little bacon in it.

Pal, are you messing with me?

Excuse me? 

It's almost like you can't eat anything without a little bacon in it. I should knock you in the head. 

I'm sorry?

Empty your pockets. 

What?

Give me the bacon. 

I don't have any --

Happy National Bacon Day, friend! How do you like your bacon, old pal! GIVE ME THE BACON NOW. 

I said I don't have any --

NOW.

OK, fine. [Reaches into pocket and pulls out thick-cut applewood-smoked bacon.]

ALL OF IT.

Sheesh! [Lifts shirt and removes a hunk of slab bacon taped to stomach.]

That's good; you did good. Is there any more?

Just some bacon bits in my shoe.

Now you get to see how a dog celebrates National Bacon Day. Put down a tarp and get me my bowl, pal.

That's gross.

You've got a spot on the floor next to me.

Can I have first go at the slab bacon?

You bet.

I love National Bacon Day. 

Don't vomit on the tarp. 

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(Bacon by Shutterstock)

Read more funny stuff:

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Tue, 30 Dec 2014 08:00:00 -0800 /bolz/national-bacon-day-dog-bacon-treats
<![CDATA[We Talk to a Dog About His Lousy Christmas Gift]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-christmas-gifts-kong-humor December 26 is known as National Whiners' Day, and for good reason: I didn't get a car! All I wanted was a car! Is it so hard to give someone a car for Christmas?

Our pets are no exception. They have the glums today as well; their whiny howls echo through darkened living rooms. We caught up with one sorrowful dog and asked him how he liked his Christmas gift.

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So that's it, huh? What a crock. (Vizsla in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

Dogster: What did you get for Christmas?

Dog: A new Kong filled with peanut butter.

That sounds nice.

I would have preferred just the peanut butter. 

Surely you can appreciate the engagement of getting the peanut butter out of the Kong?

I would have preferred just the peanut butter. 

But isn't it nice getting a new Kong?

I prefer my old one. It was easier to get the peanut butter out.

What else did you get?

A cookie that tasted a little bit like meat.

Did you like it?

It was OK.

Just OK?

I mean ... did you see what they ate?

Who?

My cheap family!

Oh. Well, no, I was with my own family.

Man, you wouldn't believe. Turkey, ham, a loin of some sort, gravy, rolls, mashed potatoes, the works.

Sounds wonderful.

I got cookie that tasted a little bit like meat.

I see.

I stole a turkey leg.

Oh.

And I jumped on the counter and ate mashed potatoes when they all went to the door to listen to caroling. 

Really.

And I lapped up a lot of gravy out of the gravy boat and ate seven butter rolls.

All this during caroling.

Then I got sick on the guest bed.

Ecch.

The five-year-old cousins were sleeping in it. I didn't know.

That sounds horrible.

I would have preferred just the peanut butter.

Well, maybe next year.

What? I have to wait a whole year?

Perhaps your birthday then. 

They gave me a sweater for my birthday.

Those are the breaks, kid.

Christmas sucks.

Don't say that! I'm sure your family loves you very much and gives you only the best. 

Have you ever had cookie that tasted a little bit like meat?

No.

It was homemade. They couldn't even buy one from a specialty shop.

So Christmas was a bust, huh?

I stashed the other turkey leg in the closet. 

You shouldn't be telling me this.

I took a bite out of the ham, too, during the caroling. They didn't notice. 

I'm going to head out now. Are you grateful for anything? 

I'm grateful that when you put a turkey leg on the comforter in the closet for the night, then that comforter smells like turkey. I hope it always smells like turkey. 

I didn't hear that. 

They could have just given me the peanut butter. 

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Valentine's Day better be good. (Bulldog in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

Read more funny stuff:

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Fri, 26 Dec 2014 02:00:00 -0800 /bolz/dog-christmas-gifts-kong-humor
<![CDATA[Watch Videos of Robert the Border Collie Herd Ducks, Pigs, and Goats]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/robert-border-collie-herd-ducks-pigs-goats-dog-videos Border Collies are built to herd, but it takes a special type of person to wonder exactly what Border Collies are built to herd. Sheep, sure. But ducks? What about ducks? Can a Border Collie herd ducks? That's the million dollar question, one which Petcentric's "Will It Herd?" YouTube series attempts to answer in the most adorable way. It pits Robert, a Border Collie with a most correct name, against a variety of farm-type animals to see if they succumb to the charms of a herding maestro. 

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This first video is Robert herding ducks. At the start of the video, we were convinced that a Border Collie herding ducks around gates to Spaghetti Western music was as good as it gets. But then Robert herds the ducks up some stairs, down a slide, and into a children's pool, which is the prefect place for ducks. Everybody should have a Robert herding them into a children's pool. 

Then Robert was tasked with herding some pigs. And pigs, as you very well know from your days watching Bonanza in those weird years after college, don't like to be herded. So Robert got backup in the form of Sage, an Australian Shepherd. Sage herds those pigs like they're sheep on a Scottish hillside or soccer hooligans at a pub. She herds them into a patch of mud, through a tunnel, and into a children's pool, which is also a perfect place for pigs (the ducks had gone off to the spa or for a round of golf, we assume).

Robert has less success with goats, because one baby goat just isn't ready to be herded. Give her time, Robert. Baby goat needs love. Baby goat needs to want to be herded.  

What's next for Robert? 

How about cats?

Please please please.

Via IO9 

Watch more videos we love:

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Fri, 14 Nov 2014 10:15:00 -0800 /bolz/robert-border-collie-herd-ducks-pigs-goats-dog-videos
<![CDATA[Cuteness Overload: Dog and Baby Jump Together]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-baby-jump-together-youtube-video-cute-dog-videos The title of this video is "Ally & Day, Dog Teaching Baby How to Jump," and it was uploaded by Sabrina Sauve. It's pretty cute: 

Of course, no dog is teaching no baby how to jump in this video -- we're with you on that. It's just a title; don't get carried away. No need to go posting in the YouTube comments about how the dog is just jumping on the shadow and such, as plenty have done so already.

Take Ivan Corona, for instance: "The dog is clearly intrigued by the shadow of the baby he's not teaching him how to jump stop lying"

Indeed, Sabrina, stop lying. 

All you really need to know is that, together, the baby Alexis and the dog Dakota are the current monsters in the dog/baby cuteness wing of YouTube, with this video nudging up against 3 million views.

They're quickly approaching last week's monsters in the dog/baby cuteness wing, the crawling baby and the dog who gave her a congratulatory lick after she successfully made it across the floor. It's the little things that count. That pair just sailed past seven million views. It's a good one, too:

That a lot of cuteness for one morning. Who knows what next week will bring. 

Watch more videos we love:

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Mon, 10 Nov 2014 11:45:00 -0800 /bolz/dog-baby-jump-together-youtube-video-cute-dog-videos
<![CDATA[Can You Decide Which Dog Has the Best Halloween Photo?]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/funny-cute-dog-pictures-photos-halloween-costumes-vote-photo-contest Thank you so much to everyone who entered our Halloween Photo Contest! There were so many amazing entries -- all your dogs are so good-looking and so well-behaved!

We received more than 100 entries and from those, we randomly selected five finalists. The finalists are featured below, and now we need your vote to determine our Grand Prize Winner.

Our finalists will receive a Carrot Plush Toy from P.L.A.Y.'s Garden Fresh Collection as well as a coupon for 25-percent off. Our Grand Prize Winner will receive a $100 gift certificate to use toward the purchase of a Round, Rectangle, or Lounge bed from P.L.A.Y. -- in other words, these pups are going to be lounging in style!

To vote, check out the photos below then fill out the form at the end of this post.

Good luck to our finalists! Check them out:

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Photo by Carol Thomsen

1. We can't tell if Missy Marlene is the wolf or Red Riding Hood!

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Photo by Kris Lamb

2. Bruno and Stella are on the case of the missing hot dog.

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Photo by Kelley Vails

3. Charlie says, "It's SHOWTIME!"

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Photo by Reiko Medina

4. Lilo, Lily, and Lani will be accompanied with their human ... who will be dressed as Toto.

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Photo by Carol Carlson

5. We're going bananas for Snoopy, Lucy, and Charlie!

Voting is now CLOSED. Congratulations to our Grand Prize Winner: Charlie!

We'll be posting contest results throughout the week via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, so make sure to follow us!

Check out more stories of rescue and cuteness on Dogster:

About Liz Acosta: Dogster's former Cuteness Correspondent, Liz still manages the site's daily "Awws," only now she also wrangles Dogster's social media. That's why she wants you to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and -- her personal favorite -- Instagram. See ya there!

Uncredited photos: A cute little dog wearing a mask ready for the apple bobbing to begin at a Halloween party in a barn and a senior pet owner and dog dressed alike in masks for Halloween by Shutterstock

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Fri, 24 Oct 2014 08:00:00 -0700 /bolz/funny-cute-dog-pictures-photos-halloween-costumes-vote-photo-contest
<![CDATA[Get Your Pup in Our Halloween Dog Costume Photo Contest]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dogs-in-halloween-costumes-dog-beds-pictures-photo-contest-win-play Voting is now closed! Please keep a look out for our voting post!

As soon as September was over (and actually even a couple of days before it was over), retailers were rolling out their seasonal offerings: Bags of mini candy, Halloween makeup accessories (I'll be buying all those false eyelashes at a steep discount on November 1, thankyouverymuch), pumpkin-spice-flavored-EVERYTHING. We're a little late, but we'd like to participate as well. And no, we don't have candy, makeup, or pumpkin spice flavored edibles, but we do have a costume photo contest for you! And some prizes!

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Look! A hot dog! GET IT?! Photo by David K

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Oh the irony! Photo by istolethetv

We've teamed up with P.L.A.Y. here in San Francisco to offer you some fun prizes.

So here's how it goes:

  1. Enter the contest with a photo of your dog friend in a costume (or doing something Halloween-related). The link for entries is located below. You can enter as many different photos as you like. We might use the photos on our Instagram and elsewhere on our social media. Sadly, only mailing addresses within the continental United States are eligible to win.
  2. On Wednesday October 22, we'll randomly select five finalists. In addition to entering our final voting round, finalists will receive a Carrot Plush Toy from P.L.A.Y.'s Garden Fresh Collection and a coupon for 25-percent off your next purchase at P.L.A.Y. Pet Lifestyle and You. (Valid online only at www.PetPlay.com. To redeem discount, enter the promotional code PLAYHalloween at checkout. Tax and shipping are not included with discount. Expires January 31, 2015. Carrot will only be shipped to the 48 contiguous United States.)
  3. From October 24 to October 31, the five finalists will be voted on by you, our beloved readers, to select a grand prize winner. The grand prize winner will receive a $100 gift certificate to use toward the purchase of a Round, Rectangle, or Lounge bed from P.L.A.Y. (Valid online only at www.PetPlay.com. No substitutions and excludes Snuggle Beds. Gift certificate cannot be refunded or exchanged, is not redeemable for cash and redemption value not to exceed $100. Must be used in one transaction. Tax and shipping are not included. Expires January 31, 2015.)

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Thank you for entering, and good luck!

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A Pug within a Pug! Photo by DaPuglet

Uncredited photos: A cute little dog wearing a mask ready for the apple bobbing to begin at a Halloween party in a barn and a senior pet owner and dog dressed alike in masks for Halloween by Shutterstock

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Wed, 08 Oct 2014 10:00:00 -0700 /bolz/dogs-in-halloween-costumes-dog-beds-pictures-photo-contest-win-play
<![CDATA[Avast, Ye Hearties: It's Bark Like a Pirate Day!]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/talk-bark-like-a-pirate-day Okay, confession: When my family would go to Disneyland (and we lived in Southern California so we went like, every year) my sister was always stoked on going on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. And me? That ride scared the crap out of me. So everyone would go on the ride and my poor mother and I would sit and wait at the exit, and when we reunited with the rest of my family, my sister would be all stoked and brandishing a sword from the ride gift shop and my father -- in what was perhaps a gesture of disappointment -- would hand me my consolation prize for being such a weenie: a pack of stickers or something way less cool than a sword.

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"Ahoy there, got a treat for me matey?" says Dogster member Finley.

Then one day, my parents were like, "No really, you're too old to be so afraid of animatronic pirates," and coaxed me into descending into those murky depths and boarding one of those boats-on-a-track, all the while being like, "No, it's okay. Look, the boat is on a track. It's all fake. Fake!" And I trusted them.

So there are those two drops at the beginning of the ride, and let me tell you -- I am still paying for therapy to overcome my childhood sense of betrayal -- but after that, I had to admit that the ride was actually kind of sort of maybe fun. (I didn't want my sister to be right.)

As an adult, I can safely admit that OMG yes, that ride is hella fun! And I'm proud to report that I am no longer afraid although I still brace myself and grit my teeth for those first two drops. So woohoo! Today is Bark Like a Pirate Day and yo-ho yo-ho it's a pirate's life for me. If you're a member of the Catster Community make sure to get your paws on the Jolly Roger gift which is free all day today! And marvel at these canine pirate beauties.

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Well, look at this wee barnacle -- it's Dogster member Lucas!

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Awww, look at Dogster member Jub Jub!

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Dogster member Hank is a pretty lazy pirate, I should say.

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Here is Dogster member Pia doing his best Johnny Depp.

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Dogster Member Abner is taking it to the next level with the eye patch -- dogs can't see that well anyway!

Check out more stories of rescue and cuteness on Dogster:

About Liz Acosta: Dogster's former Cuteness Correspondent, Liz still manages the site's daily "Awws," only now she also wrangles Dogster's social media. That's why she wants you to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and -- her personal favorite -- Instagram. See ya there!

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Fri, 19 Sep 2014 08:00:00 -0700 /bolz/talk-bark-like-a-pirate-day
<![CDATA[Ask a Dog: How to Fight Procrastination]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-humor-national-fight-procrastination-day-tips Tomorrow (Sept. 6) is Fight Procrastination Day, and in a effort to help you be a better you and achieve all you want to achieve, we asked a dog for tips to help fight procrastination and get your life in order. He really came through. 

1. Get physically fit!

Today it's time to hit the gym and finally use that membership you bought that summer a couple of years ago. You'll want to work your core. Go easy at first. Load up on carbs, and protein. Start with a big lunch. Turkey, ham, provolone. How about a bowl of chili from that place you went to yesterday? Or a sausage pizza. Or a meatball sandwich. Or a Philly cheesesteak. Or a some beef stew. Or a burrito. Or a cheeseburger. Or some tandoori chicken. Or a chili dog. Or a beef skewer. Or a macaroni salad. Remember that garlic bread you tossed me this morning? How about that? We'll figure this out!

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I've got it! How about some food? Dog waiting for a meal by Shutterstock.

2. Shape up your financials!

With all the 401(k)s and the money market accounts and the overdraft protections and past due notices and collection services coming at you, there's no excuse to delay any longer in getting your financials in tip-top shape. Take a cue from a dog, and have lunch. Turkey, ham, provolone. Maybe some cured meats? You've got your culatellos, your capocollos, your sopressatas. How about a nice cacciatore or prosciutto? A pancetta? Why not arrange it all on a platter with some nice bread and slide it under the couch and I'll see you later? 

3. Get a new career!

In 2014, there's no reason not to do something you love, like making or delivering food or working in a supermarket or a restaurant or a bar and grill or doing anything really where you can get your hands on turkey, ham, provolone, meatballs, scrambled eggs, chorizo, pancakes, cookies, bacon, spaghetti, dolmas, churros, corn dogs, olives, baked beans, chicken fingers, funnel cakes, ice cream, sourdough rolls, and deep-dish pizza. Jumpstart your career by eating some food!

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Have you tried eating food yet? Lab waiting by Shutterstock.

4. Get your house in order!

Why not start by cleaning out the refrigerator? There's some cheese in there, turkey, ham, provolone, roast beef, a half a sandwich you brought home from the deli 47 hours and 35 seconds ago, watermelon, yogurt, sour cream, orange juice, eggs, a couple sticks of butter, two kinds of milk, some hummus, and that bag of four egg rolls and two fortune cookies. I think that's everything. Wait, there's only one egg roll -- you already gave me one because I am a good boy. How about we start there and work our way front to back?

Thanks, dog. We should be well on our way to fighting procrastination tomorrow by having a nice lunch. 

Are you going to be fighting procrastination tomorrow? Do these tips from a dog help? Do you think the dog knows what procrastination means? 

Learn more about dogs with Dogster:

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Fri, 05 Sep 2014 02:00:00 -0700 /bolz/dog-humor-national-fight-procrastination-day-tips
<![CDATA[Should You Bring Your Dog to Burning Man? ]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/dog-humor-behavior-shuld-bring-burning-man Every year in the weeks before Burning Man, people constantly call the office and stop us on the street and interrupt us at lunch and ask, "Can I bring my dog to Burning Man?" 

You're crazy, we say. Leave us alone. 

But they persist, telling us all the reasons their dog wants to go to the desert for a week. Here's a handy FAQ to determine if you should bring your dog to Burning Man. It should cover everything. 

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Are we doing this right? Three fashionable dogs by Shutterstock.

Can I bring my dog to Burning Man? 

No.

But he wants to call himself a Burner. 

No.

But he wants to experience a utopia of self-expression and overthrow capitalism for the week.

No.

But he wants to wear ski goggles and wander around the desert. 

No.

But he wants to wear leggings and dance at 3 a.m.

No. 

But he wants to lick strangers.

No.

But he wants to wiggle on his back before the Angel of the Apocalypse Feathers.

No.

But he wants to huddle under a tarp during a sandstorm.

No.

But he wants to ask someone for water and Luna bars.

No.

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I could use a Pup-Peroni right about now. Dog lying in desert

But he wants to nap in the MerKHANa Uncertainty Reduction Salon. 

No. 

But he wants to drive an art car in the Deep Playa.

No. 

But he wants to wander off and find God in the blazing heat and then have some trouble finding his way back. 

No.

But he wants to do something creative, like pretend he's a tree all day or talk to people using his foot. 

No.

But he wants to express himself.

No.

But he wants to wear a scarf.

No.

But he wants to fetch shooting fireballs.

No.

But he wants to catch flaming devil discs.

No.

But he wants to run naked through people's tents.

No.

But he wants to see tech billionaires in jorts.

Is your dog a reporter?

No.

Then no.

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I wish I had red goggles. Cute dog in hoodie by Shutterstock.

But he wants to bark in the Temple of Grace. 

No. 

But he wants to reach inside himself to "figure out that part of you that can be shared with others around you," according to the literature.

No. 

But he wants to meet a soulmate who's great at hitchhiking and juggling fire sticks and finding places to crash in Denver.

No.

But he wants to forget he works in a cubicle all day. 

No -- wait, are you talking about yourself now? 

No. Maybe.

You may go to Burning Man. 

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Next time we go skiing. Funny dog by Shutterstock.

But he wants to take advantage of the Monday Foot Washing Service at 2 p.m.

No.

But he wants to meditate under the Tree of (Im)Permanence and remember his sex drive.

No. 

But he wants to ride the Wheels of Zoroaster at dawn.

No. 

But he wants to mingle in the 7 Sins Lounge camp. 

No -- and he has no business being there.

But all his friends are going. 

They are not. Who are his friends?

Some people on Facebook. The mailman.

No.

But he wants to get hugged by a greeter and roll in the dust. 

No. 

But he wants to ride a bike with neon lights into the infinite night. 

No. 

But he wants to howl with a woman from Iceland.

No.

But he wants to hang out with Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Ballmer and see their stomachs. 

No. 

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There better be some ground beef at the end of the desert. Dog traces by Shutterstock.

But he wants someone to give him a sno-cone.

No.

But he wants to smell people who haven't showered.

Ew.

But he wants to smell butts.

Ew!

But he really wants to overthrow capitalism.

We covered that already. No. 

But he wants to watch a giant man burn. 

I'm not surprised, but again: No.  

If you still want to bring your dog to Burning Man, consult the "Pet Unfriendly Playa" page on the Burning Man official site, which says, basically, no.  

Learn more about dogs with Dogster:

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Mon, 01 Sep 2014 04:00:00 -0700 /bolz/dog-humor-behavior-shuld-bring-burning-man
<![CDATA[Do You Have a Lazy Dog? Take Our Quiz to Find Out!]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/online-quiz-national-lazy-day-dogs Sunday is National Lazy Day. If you are reading this while sacked out on the couch, that's the spirit. Get a jump on the national day of doing nothing, which has nowhere near the attention of some of our larger holidays, because, man, that sounds like a lot of work. 

We ask you to cast your eye around your home -- if you can do that without turning your head, all the better -- and let your gaze fall upon your dog. Is she celebrating the holiday as you are? Do you have a lazy dog? Don't tax your brain trying to figure it out for yourself. Take our quiz! Feel free to anwser some, none, or all of the questions; feel free to doze off; feel free to let your eye rest on this sentence, here, for as long as you like. We plan to have lunch early and then maybe head home.  

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Dogs laying in studio

Do you have a lazy dog? 

To determine if you have a lazy dog, just complete our quiz: 

  • Is your dog sleeping?
  • If your dog is not sleeping, is she trying to get to sleep?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • If she is not asleep, is she deeply relaxing or otherwise splayed out?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • Does your dog watch the tennis ball you threw and make no move to go after it? 
  • Does she respond to your entreaties to get the ball by closing her eyes?
  • Does she respond to your entreaties to get the ball by yawning?  
  • When your dog yawns, do you find you are often impressed by the girth of the yawn and the size of her mouth?
  • Can you fit a softball into her mouth when she yawns, because dayum that's a big yawn?
  • Is your dog asleep now?
  • Has your dog moved in the past hour? 
  • Three hours? 
  • Six hours?
  • If your dog has moved, did she move like an inch?
  • Four inches?
  • A foot?
  • Do you sometimes crouch down next to your dog and wonder if she is breathing? 
  • Because isn't this like a six-hour nap? 
  • What dog takes a six-hour nap?
  • What, is she a cat?
  • Does she ever seem to be about to get up and move around but then seems to change her mind and instead flops her head back down and sleeps for another hour? 
  • Have you ever watched a squirrel just waltz by your reclining dog in the backyard, easy as you please, because both the dog and the squirrel knows that nobody is getting chased on this property anytime soon.
  • Does your dog ever lie down next to her bowl, mid-dinner, because dayum all this chewing is hard?  
  • Is she asleep now?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • How about now?
  • Does your dog celebrate finding a new sleeping spot by sleeping until Tuesday?
  • If you dog has fleas, does she just look at the fleas and sigh?
  • Does your dog sleep standing up? Sitting down? Walking? 
  • Is she asleep now?

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Cat and dog by Shutterstock.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes! You have a lazy dog. You're going to have the best National Lazy Day. Better gets some sleep to prepare.

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Lazy dog by Shutterstock.

Read more about rescue on Dogster:

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Fri, 08 Aug 2014 02:00:00 -0700 /bolz/online-quiz-national-lazy-day-dogs
<![CDATA[What Happens When We Work Like Dogs at Dogster HQ]]> http://www.dogster.com/bolz/national-work-like-a-dog-day-dogster-hq When The Beatles sing it's been "A Hard Day's Night" because they've been "working like a dog," the implication -- according to the song -- is that dogs work very hard. 

While some dogs might work very hard, most of the dogs I know are freeloading mutts who spend their days lying around and farting, which creates more work for me when I have to move my stuff out of the room because the stench is too oppressive to continue doing my job in the general vicinity. These dogs get fed home-cooked meals, lounge in luxury beds, receive endless toys and treats, and don't have to pay rent or lift a paw to complete chores around the house. So "working like a dog" means, essentially, doing nothing, except what you want.

So today is National Work Like a Dog Day and yes, that's a holiday, though not on the scale of Independence Day or Labor Day. We're celebrating here at Dogster HQ nonetheless and, taking after the dog friends we know, we worked hard at hardly working.

Happy Work Like a Dog Day from Dogster!

What does working like a dog mean? It means ...

Sleeping under your desk

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Looks comfy, eh?

Gnawing on a bone while reading important literature

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Wait ... dogs can't read.

More gnawing

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Yum!

Eating lunch very slowly (Though not by your own design)

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"How do you get the food out?!"

Snack time!

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Yes, she actually took a bite of it.

Fighting over toys

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My bets are on Vicky.

Being adorable

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Totally cute. I can do this all day ...

How do you plan on working like a dog? Care to share any photos with us in the comments below?

Check out more stories of cuteness on Dogster:

About Liz Acosta: Dogster's former Cuteness Correspondent, Liz still manages the site's daily "Awws," only now she also wrangles Dogster's social media. That's why she wants you to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and -- her personal favorite -- Instagram. See ya there!

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Tue, 05 Aug 2014 02:00:00 -0700 /bolz/national-work-like-a-dog-day-dogster-hq